The Common Ills

Sunday, May 26, 2024

Creepy Alito's even worse than we thought

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIG MIX & THOMAS FRIEDMAN IS A GREAT MAN & ANN'S MEGA DUB & THE WORLD TODAY JUST NUTS & THE COMMON ILLS -- THE KOOL AID TABLE

SUPREME COURT JUSTICE SAMUEL ALITO SPOKE TO THESE REPORTERS TONIGHT -- TAKING TIME OUT FROM GETTING A JASON ALDEAN TO DO SO. (A JASON ALDEAN? THAT'S WHEN YOU HAVE EXPLOSIVE DIAHREHA AND THEN GET A PROSTITUTE TO TOSS YOUR SALAD WITHOUT ANY WIPING TAKE PLACE.)

JUSTICE ALITO, IT'S BEEN REVEALED THAT YOU FLEW TWO FLAGS -- AN UPSIDE-DOWN STARS AND STRIPES AND THE SO-CALLED "APPEAL TO HEAVEN" FLAG -- TO SHOW YOUR BELIEF THAT THE 2020 ELECTION WAS STOLEN. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?

SAMUEL ALITO: I DISPLAY LOTS OF FLAGS. FOR 6 MONTHS, I PUT UP A FLAG THAT READ "I'M NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT -- SOME OF MY PIECES ARE MISSING." AND A YEAR AGO, I HAD A HOMEMADE FLAG I PUT UP WITH ELMO'S FACE AND THE SLOGAN "TICKLE ME BALLS, ELMO."

JUSTICE ALITO, THESE FLAGS WERE CARRIED BY THE INSURRECTIONISTS WHO ATTEMPTED TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT ON JANUARY 6, 2021. TREASON IS NOT A LIGHT TERM.

SAMUEL ALITO: WHEN I'M PAYING A PROSTITUTE FOR AN ALBERTO GONZALES, IT IS. THAT'S WHERE YOUR PARTNER -- PAID OR UNPAID -- APPLIES SEXUAL REFLEXOGLOGY TO YOUR STRESS POINTS AND CHOKES YOU WHILE YOU BEAT OFF.

IN ADDITION TO CONCERNS THAT THE FLAGS MEAN YOU SHOULD RECUSE YOURSELF FROM ALL JANUARY 6TH CASES, THERE ARE OTHER CONCERNS AS WELL. FOR EXAMPLE, YOU TOOK AN OATH TO UPHOLD THE CONSTITUTION, HOWEVER, THE "APPEAL TO HEAVEN" FLAG INDICATES THAT YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE LAW AND THAT YOU ARE SERVING SOME CULT THAT WANTS TO ROLL BACK THE RIGHTS OF PEOPLE OF COLOR, WOMEN AND THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY. RYAN BORT, TESSA STUART AND ANDREW PEREZ (ROLLING STONE) NOTE:

The “Appeal to Heaven” flag is white with an evergreen tree at its center. The flag was initially a Revolutionary War banner, with the motto taken from philosopher John Locke. Recently, however, the flag has been co-opted by far-right Christian nationalists looking to impose their will on the United States by any means necessary. Rolling Stone reported last fall that House Speaker Mike Johnson flew the flag outside of his office in Congress, and that he has ties to the New Apostolic Reformation, a network of Christian leaders who believe that God has given Christians a “mandate” to “conquer” the government and other aspects of life.

JUSTICE SAMUEL ALITO: I BELIEVE YOU HAVE MISUNDESTOOD ME SEVERELY. FIRST OFF, I SUPPORT WORKING WOMEN. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I SPEND ON PROSTITUTES IN A SINGLE WEEK? AS FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR, I AM A VICTIM OF RACISM -- DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE ITALIAN IN 2024? AND, ON TOP OF THAT, ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS BLACK -- SORT OF. CLARENCE THOMAS IS KIND-OF BLACK, RIGHT? AS FOR THE GAYS, YOU DON'T GET MAGA. WE ARE ALL FOR THE GAYS. WE ARE ALL FOR -- CHECK US ON TWITTER -- YOU CAN GOOGLE "MAGA" AND "F*G" OR "RED PILL" -- AND YOU'LL SEE OUR PLAN INCLUDES AN AMERICA WITH THE GAYS. THEY'LL BE STRIPPED OF THEIR RIGHTS AND TURNED INTO SEX SLAVES FOR MEN LIKE ME. IT'S NOT GAY TO GET A BLOW JOB, JUST TO GIVE ONE. WE'RE GOING TO OVERTURN F*G RIGHTS AND THAT'S WHERE WE'RE AT. AN INCLUSIVE AMERICA WHERE WE -- WHITE POWER FOR WHITE MEN -- WILL BE SITTING AT THE TOP AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE SERVING US AS THE INFERIORS THAT THEY ARE. NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A JASON ALDEAN AND MY WET DUKEY ANUS ISN'T GOING TO LICK ITSELF.