Friday, May 06, 2005

Elite Fluff Patrol Squad Leader Elisabeth Bumiller reports for duty

Elisabeth Bumiller rates a special entry for "Russia Objects to Bush Visit to Neighbors; Rice Replies." She's left the safety zone of her White House Letter but damned if she doesn't pack her fluffing kit. Proving once again that she doesn't merely serve on the Elite Fluff Patrol, but actually is the squad leader, Bumiller leaves behind her usual Sweet Valley High voice to
pursue a foul mouthed version of Duncan Watt's Wallace Boys.

Check out this crackling piece of machismo:

Americans who have seen the letter describe it as an audacious objection by Foreign Minister Sergey V. Lavrov to the itinerary of the president of the United States. Ms. Rice promptly shot back, in effect, that Mr. Bush could visit whatever countries he wished.
"Rice doesn't scare worth a damn," said a senior Bush administration official who insisted on anonymity because he did not want to be identified as taunting Moscow.

"Audacious objection." Not just an objection, mind you, an "audacious one." That's what has elevated Bumiller to the top of the Elite Fluff Patrol. That and the fact that when unnamed sources are ready to dish, Bumiller is there with pad and pencil -- if not skepticism.

"Ms. Rice promplty shot back . . ." I just bet she did! Paint that picture, Bumillie. It's all so very Skulduggery in the South Atlantic.

". . . Mr. Bush could visit whatever countries he wished." Two-fisted he-man Condi don't back down!

"Rice doesn't scare worth a damn . . ." Didn't Bumiller just establish this? Repetitious, but on message! Flying high and blind, without a net, heading where few would ever dare to go, Bumiller's on a one-woman reconnaissance mission to bring back the manhood of the Bully Boy, and Condi, and by "damn" she will do so.

Why this ham-fisted Wallace Boys tale? Maybe Bumillie felt Laura's "funnies" had emasculated her poster boy and his administration?

Maybe she was afraid Condi would pimp slap her?

Who knows why Bumillie ever does what she does? But did the Times really think this action/adventure yarn passed for reporting? Did no one wonder if Bumillie might need to tone it down? (Or is it that when you're the Elite Fluff Patrol squad leader, you don't take orders, you "damn" well give them!)

Purple prose straining for Mike Hammer but, with Bummiler's arrested development, only achieving the level of "young adult reader," this is truly bad "reporting."

If this is what access brings, someone cut her off, she's had more than enough. Can we get a designated driver?

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