Monday, May 09, 2022

Teachers and Parents: Time to Get Radical?

 


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May 07, 2022

OZY CLASSICS

We regularly hit our readers with “immodest proposals” — the name is an homage to Jonathan Swift — that seek to make you think differently about something you thought you knew. Over the years, OZY has asked readers to imagine that sometimes the best solution to a problem is the most outrageous one. In this edition you’ll find some of our favorite Immodest Proposals in the critical areas of education and parenting.


Radical Education Reforms

Pay Kids to Go to School

High school dropout rates correlate with all kinds of societal ills. But rather than the ineffective methods that society has tried for generations, it might be time to start ponying up directly. Let’s pay kids to go to school, as if it were a job, with bonuses for good grades. If we’re going to take school seriously as a conduit to adult living and civic engagement, why not start here? After all, how many of you adults would show up to work for no pay?

Reward Imperfect Attendance

It’s time schools did away with perfect attendance awards. As the COVID-19 pandemic has so vividly displayed, perfect attendance can easily lead to imperfect health. Everyone gets sick, and sick students bring viruses, strep throat, pink eye and a host of other ailments to school — infecting teachers, staff members and other children, who will return home and infect their families. Perfect attendance awards are, in short, a community health hazard.

Let the Bikinis Burn

School dress codes are an often-sexist joke with administrators policing the length of skirts and exposed midriffs. Adult dress codes bring their own complications, as seen when the FCC lost its mind over Janet Jackson’s “nip slip.” It’s time for women to decide what to wear — not the government or school administrators or anyone else. Just like their bra-burning sisters of the 1970s, it’s time for the women of today to set their bikinis aflame and go topless at the beach if they damn well feel like it.


Provocative Parenting Tips

Default Sterilization

How much human suffering would be eliminated if we could avoid unwanted pregnancies? Turns out, it could be as simple as giving all young males an antibody that would make their sperm unable to swim. If they want offspring, these men would simply pop a pill that blocks the antibody for the duration of time they want their sperm to spring into action. It’s simple, elegant and prevents a whole range of unintended consequences.

Give Children Mom’s Surname

Women do a disproportionately large amount of child-rearing. So why do only 4% of kids have their mother’s last name? Names matter as a signal to the world: It’s time to flip this unjust tradition and put the mother’s name in its rightful place.

Is Male Circumcision Child Abuse?

Some 80% of men in the U.S. have been circumcised, but just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s optimal. A growing number of medical authorities warn that the practice is traumatic for infants, can lead to diminished sexual pleasure later in life and is simply unnecessary.


Mandates for Modern Living

Make an Email Cost a Penny

It would be silly if your real-life mailbox were stuffed with letters just saying “OK” or “thanks.” So let’s declutter our inboxes by charging a penny to send each email. It’s not much, but it will make you think twice before hitting the send button — and considering all the mental energy spent assessing emails, we’ll all benefit.

Let Your Yard Run Wild

Cutting the grass, trimming the hedges, trying to keep up with the neighbor's lush fairway of a lawn … it’s all a drag. You should let it go — but not out of laziness or a simmering sense of suburban failure, but because it’s better for the environment! Allowing grass to grow to a healthy height and enable the return of native species will benefit the ecosystem and spare the world of disastrous pesticides.

Post a Selfie, Get Banned for a Week

Social media has become a runaway vehicle for one-upmanship, so it’s time to ban selfies and redeem humanity. Copious selfie usage has contaminated social media. Posting one should result in a one-week social platform ban, to spare us all.


WATCH DONNY OSMOND

on The Carlos Watson Showseason 4!

 


Pathbreaking Policies

Raise Politician Pay

Let’s face it: The best and brightest don’t gravitate to politics anymore. Have you observed Congress lately? We need to incentivize gifted young people who might otherwise head to Wall Street or Silicon Valley. Let's raise politicians' salaries by a factor of 10. Why should we pay the President $4 million per year? The same reason companies that pay better tend to get better talent.

A Man’s Right to Abort

Abortion is considered a woman’s right. But what if the man wants out of a pregnancy? Politicians in Denmark and Sweden have floated the idea of legally signing away all rights and responsibilities of fatherhood, including child support.

Flip the Gender Pay Gap

We know that women are paid less than men for the same work. But have you thought about the extra costs of simply being a woman? Take workplace attire and a beauty regimen, throw in the $18,000 a woman spends on her periods over the course of her lifetime and, yeah, the scales are imbalanced. So it’s high time employers pay women more than men — or else the federal government could institute a working-while-female tax credit.


Community Corner

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